When it comes to a relationship, can you ever be too kind?
In my heart, I want to say “no,” to encourage people to be kind. Kindness is one of the cornerstones of creating healthy, loving relationships. However, I cannot say that. Because service can be overdone – and, in the process, undermine the strength of a relationship – mainly when it is one-sided.
The problem with overly kind people is that they can adversely affect their health and ability to live their own lives. If you’re naturally kind and empathetic, it can be risky and even harmful. The tendency is to “do more” to please your partner, and if you’re a parent, it’s sometimes hard to find the balance between serving your children too much and letting them grow up on their own.
We’ve listed the most common signs of being “too kind.” Hopefully, you can rule most of them out, at least for yourself, if not for your partner. If not, however, it will provide insight into the most important things to look out for.
1. You believe you know what’s best for them.
I think people have a right to make decisions, even if they’re wrong. It’s tough for parents to see their kids on “the wrong track.” One of my daughters said, “Let me live, let me live,” when I tried to guide her.
2. Too many controls and checks.
Continuously check for your partner’s health, food, keys, wallet, meds, warmth, or coat. This may seem well-meaning, but it is not appropriate. It will help if you let your partner function independently. When you treat your partner like a child, you’re fostering a lack of independence. If you find yourself comparing your partner, you might need to take a step back. You do this for your sake as well as theirs.
When you overprotect your partner, it does seem like kindness, but it could also be a sign that you don’t trust them. You should let them take some risks since life is risky. Do not let your partner control your activities or thoughts: this is unhealthy.