My boyfriend’s family had lunch at his house, and the conversation turned to second marriages. Specifically, men in their 60s and above marry women 20 to 30 years younger and often have children with them. Their new wives are often confused with their grandchildren’s parents; their new wives could easily be their daughters.
At lunch, the question came up: Why do men act like this?
This month, he comes to his doctor’s appointment with a devoted wife of over 30 years who keeps track of his blood sugar and helps him remember to take his medications. The following month, he shows up holding hands with a girl 30 years younger, calling each other “baby.”
We examine their choices up and down, from how brave they were to have children at their advanced ages to how selfish they were for suddenly abandoning their companions of so many years. Despite what we perceive from the outside, she is a caring wife who helps him control his diabetes, but from the inside, she is a controlling woman who won’t let loose and never lets him have fun.
During these times, she reminds him to take his prescription medicines 2 hours before, 30 minutes before, and then once again just before taking them. Every day. Five days a week. 366 days a year. His wife doesn’t tell him, “sounds wonderful, honey.” All he hears is, “don’t eat that cheesecake without Lactaid. You’ll get sick.” Damn, he’s the one who’s lactose intolerant.
The guy who’s lactose intolerant for 30 years knows the cheesecake will make him sick. Damn.
Love and life come down to how we express and receive it. Our differences in love languages, but also the way we take someone for granted, play a role.
In both cases, she forgets to let go and enjoy herself every once in a while. He fails to be grateful for how much she cares about his health and how fear of losing him makes her do it. Once again, marriages aren’t broken down by the controlling spouse alone. God only knows how many times that husband has stopped trying.
If he takes his new wife all over town, places he wasn’t taking his ex-wife to, who is at fault? It’s hard to tell from the outside. You might think that the ex-wife stopped saying yes; he might have stopped asking. We usually start caring about someone only after they’ve passed away. While they’re still alive, it’s much easier and more comfortable to take them for granted.
There are usually many sides to a divorce – sometimes, it’s as complicated and complex as a kaleidoscope. And the more you shake it and examine it, the more patterns and configurations you find. People take the people they love for granted, both women and men. And an unfortunate truth about human nature is that we won’t change unless we’re gone beyond the point of no return by a traumatic experience.
We humans tend to default to comfort.
We stick to our routines and do things the same way because it requires less effort than to change course. We put off difficult conversations and important decisions because we’re comfortable the way things are.
We let life pass us by without ever appreciating what matters most. We no longer have fun along the way and instead become our partners’ tormentors. The good news is that you don’t have to fall victim to this trap. All it takes is awareness and effort to avoid comfort, control, and time loss. You enjoyed this article.
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